How To Heal a Broken Heart

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The loss of love, or even the perception of love, leaves us to heal a broken heart. Rarely are there words that can help. Time is usually the best remedy.

Adam Smith, the famous 18th century philosopher, discusses the kind of love that can lead to a broken heart and acknowledges it as a passion, that though perfectly natural, and an unavoidable part of life, is so entwined with the imagination that it is difficult for those looking on from the outside to have much comprehension. Often, to outsiders, the two people involved in a romantic love have been seized by a force they cannot resist, and that they are the only two people who exist.

When a love like this comes to an end, it is very difficult and disorienting to jump into a life of one’s own.

Picking Up the Pieces

Unfortunately, the world doesn't stop just because you find yourself needing to heal a broken heart. Muddling through daily activities can sometimes feel as if you've been sentenced to an earthly hell. It’s nearly impossible to avoid other people. There's work, school, errands, appointments, social media, and even simply going for a walk. You might even feel as if all eyes are on you.

The upside is – and yes, there really is one – you will learn just how strong you are. Oh, sure, it may not feel like much of a source of pride in the moment, but you'll come to understand it at a later time.

As word of the break-up goes around, you may notice people giving sympathetic looks in your direction, whispers, and offers to listen "if you ever need to talk." Gracefully acknowledge the sympathies you receive with a simple "Thank you, I'll be fine." Contributing nothing to the gossip mill will earn respect.

If you decide to talk about what happened, do so with only one or two trusted friends or family members. In fact, letting it all out to a close confidant is recommended. You’ll find that purging your story and the many emotions attached to it will begin your healing journey.

Suggestions to Help Heal a Broken Heart

An important step in healing is to focus on yourself. Attention paid to other people needs to be reined in a little. Here is a little advice from others who have suffered a broken heart and are happier now:

If possible, stop communications with the “ex.” Avoid giving yourself false hope that positive communication could lead to a reconciliation.

It's understandable that you may not be able to "put on a happy face" for a while but keep the drama to yourself. You'll be glad you did.

Give yourself a mantra, or affirmation, to repeat that gives you hope.
“I am breathing, alive, and getting on with my life!”
“Every day, in every way, my life gets better and better.”

Visit your place of comfort and inspiration. It may be a church, the beach, a museum, wherever you can go to feed your soul. Thank the source of your inspiration that, though you are hurt, you are still beautiful and wonderful. Because you are!

Pamper yourself! Splurge on a massage, new makeup, a fresh haircut. Get back to the gym or yoga, or whatever else has encouraged you in the past.

Stay away from negative self-talk and second–guessing yourself.

Don’t play the "if only" game, or the blame game. These will not give you the closure that you need and will only prolong your progress.

Don’t idealize a relationship that obviously was not perfect.

After a time of intensive self-care, try and put yourself in a frame of mind to come back out of your shell.

Re-enter your family life with loved ones and stay positive.

Re-unite with friends who may not have seen you for a while or take small steps in hanging out with new friends.

You have more time now; consciously develop new interests and reconvene with the goal-setter in you!

Clean your house and do some de-cluttering. This will help place you in "fresh start" mode.

Objectively, take glances inside the relationship to discover more about your weaknesses and strengths. A mentor or therapist can help with this.

Study and begin practicing forgiveness.

But most of all, know that you will get through this. Be kind to yourself; it takes time to heal a broken heart. The day is fast approaching when staying positive won't seem like such a chore. You might even begin practicing gratitude to the person who dropped you at the door of your new life.